Wish me luck!

It all started Friday when I decided not to go to the tempo show (tempo is the show choir) to instead go to Victoria’s house for major AP World History test cramming. The night didn’t start off all that well. We just had different ways of studying and it just was not working. After about an hour of fighting and tears we settled on the idea of breaking the six of us up into smaller groups of two and just switching around. And guess what, it actually worked!

So we crashed around 1 and apparently I had a conversation with Laura and Victoria while I slept. We got up around 8 and tried to make breakfast. That ended up with two boxes of pancakes being made and making me do the bunny dance. -.- Most embarrassing thing ever. Never again, do you hear me? So that day started out okay and as people slowly started to leave I found out my mom wouldn’t let me go on my date with Gabe alone so I chose Victoria to come with us. That was a good and bad decision. This is were Gabe and I got a bit peeved at each other. Victoria decided to throw popcorn at Gabe because he was cuddling with me (at a chick flick I might add ). This started a whole popcorn fight between the two with unhappy me in the middle. Everything went fine until Victoria got a little bored and threatened to throw ice. By this point I’m practically begging them to stop. Yeah, doesn’t happen. So they decided to throw ice back and forth and I’m now fuming. No one seemed to notice though. I dunno if Gabe is mad at me and I’m not all that mad at him, more at myself for not stopping the all out throwing war.

So apparently we’re okay now but today was horrid. I had a solo audition for choir (the concert being a week from today). I did horribly and left the room trying not to cry in front of my boyfriends. I went to AP practice and smothered my face in a pillow when I got home and sobbed. On a happy note: despite what you’re thinking, Gabe and I are’t broken up. The Day that happened to be our three month anniversary was also the day I would screw up my choir career.

Bye!

In other news, I’m in yet another fight with Nita. Yes, again. Its not worth it anymore. I’m risking my happiness sometimes just to make her happy. Not to be mean to her at all. Its just, shes growing harder to please. She gets so pissed off at me for the stupidest things. like agreeing with one of my friends about my other friends behavior. Megan totally agreed what Brayden said to her and I didnt think he was being harsh. I’m tired of the sexual jokes about everything I say. If these comments make me a bitch then so be it. Nita: you need to loosen up and stop taking things so personally Victoria: you need to tone down and stop taking your emotions out on everyone else. Joe: Man up! Stop acting like a little puppy who’s just been smacked. Get over it. Megan: Stop with the damn sexual jokes. They arent funny, they are hurtful. Not everything everyone says is a sexual reference. Knock it off. And get off your high horse. There are people in this world better than you. Brayden: Just calm down a little. Tune people out if you dont want to hear them. And lastly people in A Capella choir: get off your damn high horse! Gabe and I are dating! So stop glaring at me and stop talking about me! This last one doesnt apply to everyone but a few girls do need to know that.

Well I’m tired of ranting now so bye.

I was born one month and five days early. That’s right, I was a preemie. I was really tiny and had trouble breathing. During my first five years of my life, I lived a great life, beginning dance at the age of four. I sang constantly through those years, beginning when I could talk. My grandma was my biggest influence and would sing with me any chance she got. Then, when I was five, the day I will remember for the rest if my life happened.

It was a chilly but sunny December day in Las Vegas and I was at day care. It was the time of the day when I was outside playing with my friends. I looked up when I heard my name called, expecting to see my dad standing there to pick me up. Much to my surprise, it was my aunt and uncle. My baby sister, Jennifer, had been born and they had come to pick me up. Let the battle commence.

At the age of six, I started karate lessons. I slowly aged and continued until the age of ten. I made it all the way to blue belt, four belts to go and I would be a black belt. Unfortunately, I was forced to quit karate at that point. I didn’t want to but I didn’t have a choice. I was far too old for day care.

As for school, I made my way up, after I started kindergarten and made straight A’s all the way until my sixth grade year. My sixth grade year I was accepted into Jim Bridger, the NASA magnet school in North Las Vegas. It was there that I was told that I couldn’t make an A in a class because I wasn’t smart enough or go anywhere in life. I started my choir career in the third grade and in the sixth grade I was placed in the beginner’s choir as most people were. That year, I was told by about twenty different people that I would never get past beginner’s choir and that I wasn’t very good. I ended up finishing that year with only one B, being in my Aerospace class, and got plenty of good lucks seeing as I was moving.

That summer I moved to Texas. We bought the house I live in now and I went to McMillan Junior High for my seventh grade year. I never thought I would fit in and for my seventh grade year and about half of my eighth, I didn’t. Boy, did I prove myself wrong there. I ended up meeting my best friend Victoria and my major crush Joe. We’re waiting until he’s sixteen which will be the very beginning of our junior year. He’s liked me since seventh and I’ve liked him since eighth grade. I plan on sticking with him for quite a while. We may have fought but that’s natural. In my seventh grade year I was placed in the Woman’s Select; pretty good for it being my first year and was moved up to the top group my eighth grade year. I still am, to this day, extremely happy about it, for already, at the beginning of seventh grade year I had already proved a lot of people wrong, including my mom. The year I was in top choir, I met my soul sister as I prefer to call her. Nita had made my life just so much brighter, and still does to this day. I wouldn’t give her up for anything. Already I was showing everyone that, yes, I could sing and sing well.

Ninth grade, my first year of high school, and I had to spend it at a freshman only campus. The best thing about it was that I was in the yearbook staff, having started in eighth grade. My best friend Victoria was in that class with me and I never really had a day I wish to take back. I began in the middle choir again and I do admit, for a while it upset me. Too bad for the director that she promptly figured out I didn’t belong there and moved me up at the semester. This is where I met one of my best friends, Megan. She had always been there to help me through tough times. Nita and Megan were there for me when I got a two on my solo at solo and ensemble and when I got the huge solo at the end of the year last year. I truly am blessed with amazing friends.

So now here I am, in tenth grade at Wylie High School. I hope to be a history teacher when I’m older because history just rocks. If not, I want to be an English teacher because people just can not get a good job without proper grammar and a pretty big vocabulary. I hope to change the world someday, though some of my friends claim I already have. I’ve changed their worlds and their lives in so many ways. I guess my life has shown who I have become in the long run. I’ve become a strong and kind human being with great talent for beating the odds.

Example of a hypocrite: Amanda Jeanette Saunders

Will someone explain how though?

I just love to sit and use songs to think about my life and what is going on. To sit there and honestly think about some of the things said in songs.
This song is What If by Nicole Nordeman

“What if you’re right?”
Then you are right, don’t brag about it. Be nice and if you make a really good on a test, don’t display it for the world to see in the hallways, it hurts some people. If your friend makes a bad grade, however, help her or him. It will make them feel a lot better to see that you actually care about how they do in school.

“What if you’re wrong?”
Admit that you were wrong, don’t try to play it off like it wasn’t you. Admit it and get help. If you can’t get a pitch in choir or just can not play that note in band, ask for some help. If you just don’t understand chemistry, find a friend who is. Same thing the other way around, if you are good at something or know someone struggling with something, try to help out.

“What if there’s hope you never dreamed of hoping for?”
Simple, always hope for the best in everything you do. And if you don’t do so well, or just flat out can’t do it, hope for a day you will get it right and just try a bit harder at it. You may just surprise yourself.

“What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?”
Another simple one, always look for a friend you can fall back to. If they are your friend they should always be trying to be there for you. If they don’t try to be there for you, they just, flat out, aren’t your friend and are using you.

“What if it’s love?”
Then scream it to the heavens. Just kidding, if you think it is love wait a bit to make sure. Sometimes it ends up just being lust or confusion by the media. Don’t let yourself think that it is love until you absolutely know its love.

“What if you dig? Way down deeper than your simple-minded friends.”
Then savor the fact that you have a broader imagination and thinking ability then them. But never truly assume you are are deeper than your friends because you never know what they are capable of. Now, if you are digging into trouble deeper than them, maybe you should try to be a bit more like your friends.

“What if you find, A thousand more unanswered questions down inside? That’s all you find.”
That is okay, everyone has unanswered questions. It’s called being a human being. Almost all of your unanswered questions will never be answered, live with it. Now if it’s all you find, start asking some questions because you may learn something about yourself that you didn’t know.

“What if you pick apart the logic and begin to poke the holes?”
Everyone picks apart the logic, its called being creative and learning. A logical thing to do would to cut perfectly straight lines so it looks perfect, why not pull it apart and do a crooked wavy line instead?

If anyone has song requests, just tell me and then give me a few days to listen to and learn the song. Please and thank you.

But seriously, someone needs to inform me of when to talk over people (or not let them talk) and go against what you just told someone else to do. Another fall out with a friend leaves me in a state of anger, upset, or just plain hurt. If you tell someone to look at the positives in things, don’t turn around and only think of negatives in another thing. Such as where you placed in a contest (*cough* dead last *cough*) and talking about it and then being told that you should only look at the positives, only to have the very same person who told you that to turn around and gripe about why sitting where they are sucks because it’s too noisy, even though we are in a gym and it makes no difference where you sit. Stick to what you tell other people to do because they tend to actually believe you and do it!!

Say you are at lunch and talking with your friends equally, and then the bell rings for study period and you are all going to sit together. Honestly people, don’t leave one of the people out of a conversation. And talk about something everyone can talk about and have imputs in. It just makes people feel like they actually belong and aren’t just the third wheel. In the long run, your friendship will thank you.

Someone contact me soon about this disease or it might just spread to the rest of my friends.

It seems as though my life is slowly deteriorating around me. My sister is getting more and more trouble and I feel numb everywhere I go now. The year deadline is coming up, one year left until Joe and I can technically date. It seems as though everyday I end up crying at some point, whether it be friend issues, family issues, or I’m just allover depressed. I don’t know how to fix any of this and I really wish I did. I want to smile like a mean it more often then I do now. With All Region auditions and my black belt testing just around the corner I never really have time to sit down with anyone and explain these feelings.

As a side note, I’m surviving Sophomore year…barely.

Why me? Why must everyone like me so much? I always end up hurting them. That’s the case with Brayden. I really really hurt him and it kills me that he won’t even talk to me really anymore. Maybe I should just seal my heart and love no more. I’m just so afraid next with be Joe or Nita. Everyone that has ever gotten close to me has gotten hurt or had their lives changed forever. Even though I sit here and write this I know there will be a dawn to end this night of sorrow. There always has been. (Joe, you have read this…I’m really really sorry. If he’ll read it, let Brayden read this. Let him know I still care about him. Please! Tell him I’m sorry for breaking his heart.)
“Beauty From Pain” (Superchic[k])

The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I’m alive but i feel like I’ve died
And all that’s left is to accept that it’s over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that i made
I try to keep warm but i just grow colder
I feel like I’m slipping away

After all this has passed, i still will remain
After I’ve cried my last, there’ll be beauty from pain
Though it won’t be today,
Someday I’ll hope again
And there’ll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me
The best i can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I’ll wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though i can’t understand why this happened
I know that i will when i look back someday
And see how you’ve brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames

After all this has passed, i still will remain
After i’ve cried my last, there’ll be beauty from pain
Though it won’t be today,
Someday i’ll hope again
And there’ll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Here i am, at the end of me
Tryin to hold to what i can’t see
I forgot how to hope
This night’s been so long
I cling to Your promise
There will be a dawn

After all this has passed, i still will remain
After i’ve cried my last, there’ll be beauty from pain
Though it won’t be today,
Someday i’ll hope again
And there’ll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Crying because I lost the solo and witnessed the horror of genocide

Screaming because I am just so pissed off at certain people I will not name right now

and Laughing because I’m being foolish

am I really a fool?